Cel mai frumos cadou!

You can't manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful - that day
And love is getting too cynical
Passion's just physical - these days
You analyse everyone you meet
But get no sign - the loving kind
Every night you admit defeat
And cry yourself blind
If you can't wake up in the morning'
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it - try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
The DJ said on the radioLife should be stereo - each day
And the past that cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful
You just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul, no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone
If you can't wake up in the morning'
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it - try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
(It'll come your way)(It'll come your way)
Some kind of beautiful(It'll come your way)
Some kind of beautiful(It'll come your way)
Some kind of beautiful(It'll come your way)
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul, no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived aloneIf you can't wake up in the morning
'Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it - try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way


Multumesc, Griz!

Inca putin...

Si o iau din loc..intr-o alta miscare ciclica, in care totul se va repeta, in care toate vor merge la fel..Ce pot sa zic decat ca a mai trecut un an..fara prea multe realizari...din pacate...poate intr-adevar sunt nerecunoscatoare, poate intr-adevar nu stiu sa apreciez lucrurile la adevarata lor valoare. Dar...cel putin...nu fac comparatii...Si jur pe ce vrei tu ca prefer starea letargica celei de acum..E un sentiment de scarba. da, stiu ca e un cuvant dur..dar e scarba...acum e unul din momentele alea de intrebat cum pot sa traiesc cu mine...Nu ca nu m-as spala zilnic...mi-e scarba de conditia mea umana din momentul asta!
Pentru ca oamenii...pentru ca oamenii.si atat. Nu e nevopie sa dau explicatii. Oricum nu plac nimanui, oricum nimeni nu mai da doi bani pe ele...Oricum nobody can see...si nu pot sa nu ma itnreb cum de toti reusiti sa vedeti numai ce e la exterior..e atata negru deep inside, incat uneori si eu ma pierd. Si stiu ca pare de neinteles! M-am uitat azi la mine(ma spalam pe dinti, deci asta cu spalatul ramane valabila) si am vazut, pt prima data dupa 3 luni, prin mine...toata transparenta asta ma ucide. Si daca ajung sa o transpun si spre exterior..I'm completely fucked up...
Da, pentru tine, pentru voi toti..imi e nespus de bine...dar...(ca intodeauna e un "dar")loviturile le primesc cand imi e lumea mai draga, de la cine ma astept mai putin. Dar(ca si "dar" la "dar-ul" anterior) m-am convins azi de o treaba: de acum incolo nu mai fac niciun fel de compromis in urma unui santaj emotional. Nu mai vreau sa zic "da" ca sa evit reprosuri si fete triste. Asa sunt eu, incapatanata! Ciufuta, contrar celorlalte! Nu vreau sa ma retina cineva in reteua asta a vietii. Vreau doar sa fiu...asa nebuna(rea, I mean) cum ma crede lumea.
Nu...si am ajuns sa ma reneg in prag de 22 de ani...

How I long to be so...

Feel the vibe, feel the terror, feel the pain
It’s driving me insane
I can’t fake
For God’s sake
Why am I driving in the wrong lane
Trouble is my middle name
But in the end I’m not too bad
Can someone tell me if it’s wrong to be so mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Are you the fishy wine that will give me
A headache in the morning
Or just a dark blue land mine
That’ll explode without a decent warning
Give me all your true hate
And I’ll translate it in our bed
Into never seen passion, never seen passion
That it why I am so mad about you
Mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Trouble is your middle name
But in the end you’re not too bad
Can someone tell me if it’s wrong to be
So mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Give me all your true hate
And I’ll translate it in your bed
Into never seen passion
That is why I am so mad about you
Mad about you

WTF?

Bai...am luat-o eu razna, sau ce? Deci...ieri ma topeam pe strazi, nu intra tigarea! NU INTRA! ceea ce inseamna ca era foarte foarte cald!
Whatever..
azi...azi mi-a fost frig! FRIG! Si capilarele mele sunt innebunite, saracele! Nu ca urla vreun hormon in mine si declanseaza o mai mare viteza de circulatie, neeeahhh! Eu fac reclamatie! Da, eu fac reclamatie la sefu' lu' vremea. O sa ne stricam cu totii.
Iar asta e un post mai incoerent decat toate posturile publicate ever! What was my point???!!?

not my kind of...

..way of saying things, but... Vezi tu, ma tot lovesc in jurul meu de ceea ce oamenii numesc "comunicare" Cati stiu oare ce e aia? Cati dintre noi stiu intr-adevar ce presupune ea? Ma gandesc ca poate sa spui...asta e...nu reprezinta o solutie. Si nici sa taci si sa zici ca, vezi-doamne, s-a inteles exact ce ai vrut sa spui nu e. Mi s-a spus ca nu mi se poate citi blogul, ca cica as fi prea profunda! Haha!!! Ma intreb, Dear Dad, ce farmec ar mai avea daca eu as scrie asa, sa priceapa tot omu'...Ce farmec ar mai avea daca totul ar fi transparent, daca nu te-as determina sa iti pui niste intrebari interne, niste intrebari care sa te faca pe tine sa-ti zici "What the fuck???!?!"...Ma gandesc ca poate nu sunt facuta sa..comunic(!?!?!) astfel. Adica...na..ma rog...oi fi geniu, ca m-a facut mama la 30 de ani,si nu stiu eu inca! Desi testele de iq ma numesc un fel de..average person... E din nou zi...And I feel like I'm being eatenBy a thousand million shivering furry holesAnd I know that in the morning I will wake upIn the shivering coldNu mai suport senzatia asta in care mi se strange carnea pe mine, in care vad prin mine...Sunt sigura ca ai vazut reclamele/filmele alea in care zoomul pe ochiul omului e la 12811312731 X...Simt cu trec prin mine cu fiecare privire in nenorocita aia de oglinda.De ce sa mai lupt, frate, din moment ce n-are rost, si sunt luata un pic de...de...nu stiu ce! Poate sunt eu prea copil. Sau poate gandesc dracu' prea mult, cine stie! Da..uneori asta cu ganditul dauneaza grav sanatatii. Fizice, mentale, cum vrei tu si cum iti e mai usor.Ma uit la depravarea in care ma scald si nu imi vine sa cred(da, stiu, sunt incoerenta). Nu-mi vine sa cred ca sunt in stare sa dau bani pe tigari, in loc sa imi cumpar o carte, nu-mi vine sa cred ca sunt oameni capabili sa se limiteze la a spune "nu pot","e o certitudine si se va repeta"! Ciudat e ca toate astea sunt lucruri care se pot schimba, lucruri care tin de..TINE! Da,de tine, si privirea asta mirata nu te va ajuta! Nuuu, deloc! Daca vrei ceva mai bun, pune mana si fa! Ca stand in lamentarea asta(uita-te la mine, de exemplu) nu o sa ajungi undeva anume! Si o sa te intrebi ce dracu' tot aberez eu aici!Si nu ma intereseaza! Toate posturile astea sunt facute pentru cine vrea sa vada! Daca nu...Ignorance is a bliss, cum spuneau unii!Dar nu te astepta sa vina cineva sa iti dea mura-n gura...

Just..don't!

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me, now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory, that's her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all (takes it all)
The loser has to fall (has to fall)
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say, rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide (will decide)
The likes of me abide (me abide)
Spectators of the show, always staying low
The game is on again (on again)
A lover or a friend (or a friend)
A big thing or a small (big or small)
The winner takes it all (takes it all)
I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize if it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense, no self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all
So the winner takes it all
And the the loser has to fall
Throw a dice, cold as ice
Way down here, someone dear
Takes it all, has to fall....

Do you really think you...?

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can changeI can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the nextI can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah
You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the nextI can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no
I'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

....Dear Dutza

Imi pare rau ca te pierd pe undeva pe drum...imi pare rau ca nu mai suntem prietene asa de bune, dar ...timpul trece, iar tu te estompezi in lipsa. In lipsa unor nimicuri, as putea zice. Poate ca timpul o sa te stearga din amintirile mele, iar Dy va ramane doar Dy. Iar Dutza va ramane doar Dutza. As vrea sa putem merge pe acelasi drum, sa infruntam acelasi fum. Dar esti un mit, crescut in adancul meu. Un mit pe care l-as cam pune intre scrisori, un mit despre care stiu ca nu mereu e corect!
Dutza, draga mea, tu vei pleca, iti vei urma calea ta...eu voi ramane...undeva in urma, asteptand sa imi aduci din cand in cand cate un zambet! Sper sa poti, Dutza, sa traiesti fara mine. O sa ma duc departe de tine, acolo unde nu am sa te mai pot intrista vreodata. O sa imi amintesc mereu de zambetul tau, de sclipirea din ochii tai. Stim amandoua ca suntem una in umbra celeilalte.
Cu toate astea, o sa te rog sa mai treci din cand in cand pe la mine...Sa mai povestim. Sa nu lasi nimic sa te distruga total. Sa ramana macar o farama din tine, pastrata pentru zilele bune, in amintirea celorlalte. N-am sa te uit, Dutza, dar nu vreau sa iti mai fac rau...si n-am sa spun ADIO, pentru ca stiu ca...in some sort of way, vom mai vorbi...macar in vis! N-o sa spun nici macar LA REVEDERE!

12.12.2005...

De ce nu ninge?Si nici macar nu ploua ...
Poate daca ploaia ar reusi intr-adevar sa se opreasca, am reusi sa vedem printre picaturi, printre fum, ceata si aburi ce se petrece cu noi!!!Poate, daca am avea curiozitatea sa ne strangem inima intr-un noian de vise, intr-o gheara care sa o tina atat de strans, suficient de strans incat sa nu plesneasca, am avea posibilitatea sa oprim ploaia. Ploaia de zile, ploaia de luna, ploaia de ani, de milisecunde.Daca am putea ("daca"-peste tot "daca") sa tinem Soarele intr-o mana si Luna in cealalta, pe cine am alege?Daca ni s-ar pune in fata o balanta pe care sa cantarim faptele rele si ghinionul, suferinta, in ce parte ar inclina balanta? Si daca tot ne-am obisnuit ca timp de 24 de ore sa iubim si sa fim iubiti, daca ziua ar avea 27 de ore, ce-am face cu surplusul de secunde?10800 de secunde..!Daca am avea posibiliatea sa alegem intre tristete si suferinta, intinde o mana catre ce??Poate viata ar trebui sa isi spuna cuvantul, poate nicaieri nu e mai bine ca oriunde, poate "daca" e mai potrivit decat "de ce?"si poate "de ce?" ofera mai multe solutii decat "oare". Dar cum e "oare" in comparatie cu "nu stiu" sau cu "niciodata"?!!??! Si de ce "da" e intotdeauna mai bun decat "nu"??Prin ce timpul nu are finalitate?Ce e eternitatea? Exista? De ce atunci cand ne plictisim nu ne putem apropia de ea? Unde e capatul lumii? CAND VOM AJUNGE SA NE PREZENTAM DIVINITATII?Cand nu ne vom mai pune intrebari unul altuia?De ce trebuie sa ne consumam existenta indragostindu-ne? Iti pui inima pe un altar si ii dai foc...Cui aduci jertfa?Si daca tot aduci astfel de jertfe, de ce zeul caruia ii aduci ce ai mai bun nu te rasplatestei stii si tu, si stie si el ca e tot ce poti jertfi,..Ai fost inzestrat cu el tocmai ca sa iti fie bine sau pur si simplu pentru a-l da mai departe, Pentru a fi calcat in picioare de cine nici macar nu gandesti?LIFE, DEATH, THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Drops...

Pentru toate momentele in care singuratatea te apuca de maini si te leaga, pentru toate momentele de incertitudine, pentru toate clipele in care nesiguranta si nefericirea te fac sa vrei sa te inchizi in carapacea ta, inchide! Ochii! Si nu te mai gandi la nimic. Vinde-ti fericirea pentru nimic, cumpara un zambet cu ceea ce obtii pentru ea! Nu poti, nu? Normal ca nu poti!
Azi a plouat un pic...si am iesit din bloc izbindu-ma de stropi. Reci. Peste tot...m-am incapatanat sa nu ma intorc dupa umbrela. Cred ca simteam nevoia sa ma joc un pic cu mine. Sa vad cat rezist. Intotdeauna mi-a placut sa alung gandurile negre sub apa. de-asta cred ca imi si place atat de mult marea. Si apa...
Azi, dusul meu de 15 minute a picat din aer, nu dintr-un furtun argintiu... Mi-am spalat...totul...desi nu am ajuns sa alunece siroaie de pe mine, cred ca am ajuns sa pot spune ca am spalat. In cel mai incipient mod, in cel mai primitiv, mai bine zis, mod, totul. Suflet, ganduri...s-au scurs. Toate. Fara cuvinte...poate doar cu cateva versuri si cateva acorduri latine.
As vrea sa ma intorc undeva la origini. Sa ma scufund in Ithaca mea si sa mai raman acolo.
Acolo unde era totul atat de bine incat nimic nu ma putea atinge. Eram deasupra tuturor, eram inconjurata de ceva, ceva ca o aura, ceva divin care proteja. Ithaca mea s-a dus. Nu mai pot naufragia tot acolo. Cu toate panzele sus...nu mai e. Miscarea circulara, intregul sentiment de...de nici eu nu mai stiu ce....Gol...cred ca da...lipsa de sens, lipsa de inspiratie, cicatricile, urmele adanci, arsurile...totul...totul e o insula...
pierduta....

Who knew...

I traveled far to find you
Who knew youd be so far away
I will stay now
Love

This weary heart
The only gift I bring you
This love I give to you
It wont stray

I could give you
The most delicious kisses on your face
You see
I need you to be addicted to me
I am calm now in the corners of his mouth
I am still now,
I will not live without
I am pure now, safe inside my final home

I could give you
The most delicious kisses on your face
You see I need you to be addicted to me
I am calm now in the corners of his mouth
I am still now,
I will not live without
I am pure now, safe inside my final home


My home.. my home....
My home inside you
Safe inside my final home
My home inside you

insir...

...ate..exact asa cum imi bubuie in minte!







Closer...No hesitation..Give me...All that you have...And it's been so long, ..that I can't explain...And it's been so wrong...Right now, so wrong....Naked...My thoughts are creeping....To late...The show has begun....And it's been so long,.. that I can't confess....And it's been so wrong....Right now, so wrong...Is it all as it seems....So unresolved, so unredeemed....If I remain, how will I know.......And it's been so long, that I can't be sure....And it's been so wrong...Right now, so wrong........

Undefied, no signs of regret.......Your swollen pride assumes respect.....Talons fly as a last disguise....But no return, the time has come....So don't despair this day, will be their damnedest day.......Ooh, if you take these things from me.......

So don't resist...We shall exist....Until the day...Until the day, I die.....



Refuse to surrender...Strung out until ripped apart....Who dares, dares to condemn...All for nothing....Did you really want .....

Call me...

Call me faith, call me luck, call me dark, call me...call me Dutza, call me...Just call me...

Imi rasuna...my mind...is in a state...'Cuz everything I miss it comes too late...So I try and disappear...But there is only one way out of here...This time...This time...Reality's struck me in between the eyes...
Direct in orbita, si ustura...ustura al dracului de rau...ustura la fel de mult cum ustura crucea aia pe care mi-am cicatrizat-o in inima, pe piept....
Camp...cat as vrea sa pot sa fug pe campul ala nenorocit, sa alerg de nebuna pana cand, pana cand ajung sa imi ranesc talpile...sa stiu ca ceea ce imi doresc e acolo, la sfarsit, sa stiu ca trebuie sa imi ling fiecare rana in parte..Poate imi e dor de gustul sarat-amarui al sangelui... poate ca nu sunt omul care vrea liniste, poate...
I'm just a fucking scared child... nu imi lasa mana sa alunece...Nu ma lasa, te rog, sa cad... deja sunt numai bucati, nu vezi? numai si numai bucati...ma mai tin unite cateva liante, cateva legaturi care sunt, poate, la randul lor, fictive... nu iti cer sa ma pui tu la loc, sa ma faci iarasi un...TOT..iti cer doar sa nu ma lasi sa cad...iti cer doar sa ma lasi sa fac parte din...Si apoi...apoi o sa vad eu cum o scot la capat...
Heaven holds a sense of wonder...And I wanted to believe that... I'd get caught up...when the rage in me subsides...In this white wave,I am sinking,in this silence....In this white wave,in this silence I believe...I can't help this longing...Comfort me...I can't hold it all in...If you won't let me...

E totul ca o mlastina, ca niste nisipuri miscatoare in desert.. deja oaza e mlastina si totul ma cuprinde...si simt cum ma afund....
God what the fuck is wrong..you act like you knew it all along....
Iti mai aduci aminte de dimineata aia????"Nu ma intereseaza cum si in ce fel...eu tot o sa..."
Et je me souviens, je me souviens très bien... De ce que je t'ai dit ce matin-là... Il y a un an, y a un siècle, y a une éternité...On ira où tu voudras, quand tu voudras...Et on s'aimera encore, lorsque l'amour sera mort...Toute la vie sera pareille à ce matin...Aux couleurs de l'été indien....
Aux couleurs de l'été indien..Aux couleurs de l'été indien....Aux couleurs de l'été indien...Aux couleurs de l'été indien....

Just...lay a whisper, on my pillow...

NU

Nu...si tot simt nevoia sa repet...nu..pentru orice mi-ai spune, pentru orice intrebare, raspunsul e...NU!
Nu te urasc, nu ma urasti, e un sentiment placut...dar...nu...We can't go on together wth suspicious minds...and we can't build our love, with suspicious minds...